Playback is a… (part two)

ACT II

EMILY di CONCUSSED: answering phone in car
Hey Abbey! What’s up?

UNDERAGE ABBEY:
Where is your plunger?

EMILY di CONCUSSED: worried
Um… what happened, Abbey?

UNDERAGE ABBEY:
Is it safe to shower with a clogged toilet?

EMILY di CONCUSSED:
We can discuss modern plumbing in a second– what happened to the toilet, Abbey?!

UNDERAGE ABBEY: matter-of-factly
Shelli.

NARRATOR:
Ah yes. Only a matter of time before five women in a tiny apartment takes a toll on the utilitarian aspects. Emily’s phone illuminated with a video of Shelli in the bathroom livid beyond belief. Apparently taking photos and video of the… um… blessed event was not nice.

FLUSHING SHELLI:
You put them up to it!

GIGGLING KAREN: laughing hysterically
I DID NOT!

FLUSHING SHELLI: think “Godfather” like anger
Oh I know you did, Karen. I know you did.

NARRATOR:
By the time Robbie and Emily arrived home, there next to the welcome mat stood the plunger of shame.

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Robbie and Emily stood outside of the door for minutes listening to the shrill laugher and screams coming from inside the apartment.

Upon opening the door, a madhouse could best describe the scenario. Tears were running down the cheeks of the women from laughing so hard and each woman regaled the scene:

HALEY DAMN:
Good God. Your family, Emily… I know them way too much now.

GIGGLING KAREN:
Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness! I haven’t laughed so hard in a while! Thanks Shelli for being the butt of our jokes!

UNDERAGE ABBEY:
hysterical laughing

EMILY di CONCUSSED:
What on earth…!? Okay. I have neighbors. We need to quiet down.

NARRATOR:
But quiet-down they did not do. Instead more videos were shared. Shelli rolled her eyes and stared at Karen every time the video played Shelli screaming at Abbey, “Payback is a B*TCH!”

The women took turns repeating the phrase until it was time to settle into bed. Abbey took her Ambien and thus started blabbering nonsense after sitting down to pet Haley.

UNDERAGE ABBEY: sounding half-awake
I’m glad I can add something of entertainment. To the value.
Running around naked and eating bread… I’ve done both!
My world is spinning. Don’t do anything fast.
Cake is good.
Can we take the flavoring down to them and make pink?
Are we getting the giggles?

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NARRATOR:
Emily was live-tweeting the event under #SisterOnAmbien while laughing until she cried. Haley was shaking her head in disbelief (some would say shell-shocked) and Robbie just laughed.

ROBERTO BEERZALINI:
Women.

NARRATOR:
Women indeed. After the giggles continued in the bedroom, Emily marched to the door to reprimand her mother and Aunt.

EMILY di CONCUSSED:
Mom! Shelli! You two need to pipe down and go to bed. I don’t want to hear any more giggling coming from this room.

NARRATOR:
Emily began to realize she is turning into her mother.

EMILY di CONCUSSED:
I have neighbors. And if those neighbors complain about the noise, I’m coming for both of you. Put the cell phones away and go to bed!

ACT III

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NARRATOR:
The next day focused on Old Town in Albuquerque to shop and relax. With live Spanish music playing in the plaza, Haley and Emily wandered (like children) into shops while Shelli, Abbey and Karen went to find shoes.

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NARRATOR:
The day followed with a trip to the pool, pizza and beer, a nap and a cutthroat game of Catch-Phrase.

The game is centered around communication and it wasn’t long before the competitive spirit came out.

EMILY di CONCUSSED:
Physician on tv who is bald

UNDERAGE ABBEY:
Dr. Oz!

EMILY di CONCUSSED:
The other one.

GIGGLING KAREN:
I can only think of that one.

EMILY di CONCUSSED:
Um… okay… When you go to get gas, you may say….

UNDERAGE ABBEY:
DOCTOR FILL ‘ER UP!

NARRATOR:
Tension was thick as the beeping matched the rapid heartbeats. The games were close. Haley scored against Karen point after point and it wasn’t long before Karen exclaimed…

GIGGLING KAREN:
Eat sh*t, Haley Brown!

___________________________________________________________________________

Author’s Note:
The headache has subsided and the toilet seems relived the women traveled back to their home states. But as for me, Girls’ Weekend was filled with more than just merriment. Now I have enough blackmail to tease my friend and family with for years to come! We toasted to life, love, happiness and the knowledge that even in the face of hardships and … well … any crappy situations, humor is a fantastic remedy.

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