Playback is a… (part one)

All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players – Shakespeare

THE CHARACTERS:
EMILY di CONCUSSED
GIGGLING KAREN
FLUSHING SHELLI
UNDERAGE ABBEY
HALEY DAMN
ROBERTO BEERZALINI

ACT I

The apartment seemed spacious upon entering. With each woman fluttering in after the other accompanied by mammoth-sized luggage, the chiffon textiles thrown about and the panoply of chatter instantly made the dwelling tiny.

NARRATOR:
Five women. One apartment. Not set in a chic and trendy New York television show, no. This takes place in the heart of the southwest in Albuquerque, New Mexico. The land of red and green. Chile, of course.

Upon arriving, the ladies went to lunch and then set off for a mountaintop experience. Haley Damn is scared of heights so getting on the world’s longest tram where open air is thousands of feet below made her slightly… squeamish.

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“We’ll be passing the highest distance to the ground right about…. nowwwww,” the annoying tram guide announced. His voice was conditioned by too much bad television as a child and every statement was inflected to be of up-most importance. It wasn’t really.

IMG_8788[1]Haley stood grasping the poles inside the tram car while the rest of the crew crammed their eyes against the transparent protection.

At the top, the sun began to slowly set and turn the Sandia mountains into its moniker (Sandia means watermelon). The women trailed off for an adventure and embarked into the woods by the beat of their own drum.

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Hours passed by and soon the proverbial campfire which gathered the flock was a round of margaritas.

IMG_8775[1]There were cheers. There was food. And none knew what was in store for the upcoming days. (dun dun dun)

While putting leftover in the back of the SUV, Abbey decided to close the hatch. The metal hit Emily’s skull. Hard. CRUUUUUUUNCH!

GIGGLING KAREN:
Did it hurt Emily?

EMILY di CONCUSSED: obviously in excruciating pain
No. It felt like Christmas.

NARRATOR:
A trek to the beautiful started off Friday. Tent Rocks is the name of the majestic place in the middle of nowhere. Placed upon steep tepee looking tents are boulders.

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IMG_8821[1]UNDERAGE ABBEY: genuinely confused
How did they get the balls on top of the mountains?

GIGGLING KAREN:
That’s a nice boulder!

HALEY DAMN: in a Golden Girls-esque voice
Wear sunscreen! Wear sunscreen!

UNDERAGE ABBEY:
What do you have… spf 100?

HALEY DAMN: matter-of-factly
80. Karen? Shelli? No sunscreen?

NARRATOR:
The women walked past the sign signaling it is against the law to take anything from the land and to not climb the rocks.

EMILY di CONCUSSED:
Shelli! Are you seriously putting rocks in your bag?!

FLUSHING SHELLI:
Yes! Aren’t they pretty? They will be perfect in my rock garden!

GIGGLING KAREN:
I should pick up a few of those

NARRATOR:
Shelli continued finding “treasures.” Haley kept disappearing like Kevin from Home Alone but instead of getting into mischief, she was hugging trees (literally) and taking hundreds of pictures of dead wood.

EMILY di CONCUSSED:
Dude! These rocks are so cool! I wonder if I could climb them…

HALEY DAMN:
Oh my lanta… I gotta get a picture of this.

NARRATOR:
Picture she did. Of Emily climbing up the two rocks. And pictures she has. Of Emily sliding down the rocks. Skin was lost.

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With a bag full of rocks, hands with a little skin and cameras full, the ladies waddled to the car to trek to Santa Fe.

After the sunny hike, the women were primed for a meal and, no surprise, margaritas to celebrate.

The waitress carded the troupe and Abbey’s card was nowhere to be found! At the same moment, it dawned upon Emily and Abbey the location of the card was Emily’s iPod (tucked away back in Albuquerque) from their morning workout at the gym.

The situation was explained. The manager was called. The end result? The 30-something Abbey would be having water.

The gaggle continued to tour Santa Fe and her beauty.

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By the end of the day, the weary soles were dragged home where Roberto had a fancy-schmancy dinner of Lamb prepared. [emphasis on Lamb because it deserves respect]. Roberto and Emily headed out for a quick trip and the phone call transcript received… well… changed the way the women thought of each other.

One tiny apartment doesn’t leave much room for secrets. And in the words of Shelli..

FLUSHING SHELLI:
PAYBACK IS A B****!!!

[continue to Playback is a… (part two)]

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